You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need a beard to bite.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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