I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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