Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
