Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
