That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
