Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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