My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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