I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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