I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
false alarm, still single
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
