great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
