hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
