I want to stick my p in your. b.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
