I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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