Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cut my penus on the lid.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
