So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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