I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
