i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
