Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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