So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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