Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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