Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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