i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
