naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
