So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
