Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
