We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you win again, gameday.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it glows. i had to have it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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