I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
