i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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