Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
