Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
