He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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