I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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