remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
