I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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