Bisexual people are plain selfish.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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