I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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