and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
