I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
