If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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