My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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