somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
