omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
