Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
