He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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