GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
