in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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