Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
