I cannot find my penis.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There r osticjed everywhere
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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