I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
