When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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