just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
