shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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