I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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