there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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